Diminished Capacity
by ThePartyAfterYouLeft
Summary: All police work has an element of danger, Alex knew that. But having Olivia behind a desk in computer crimes felt infinitely safer than knowing she was out on the street, chasing down rapists. It wasn't easy to lull Alex Cabot into a false sense of security, but when you wanted something badly enough, anything could happen. A ringing phone was all it took to shatter that illusion.
1. Chapter 1

_**"A false sense of security is the only kind there is."**_

 _-Michael Meade_

* * *

 **Diminished Capacity**

-1-

Olivia Benson was surprised. She'd just had a call from the ADA for cybercrimes, who had informed her that her testimony had helped to convict a prolific child pornographer whose unrepentant soul belied the innocent-choirboy act he'd performed for the jury. She wasn't surprised that he'd been convicted, really; Collette Zimmer was a talented prosecutor, and Olivia and her team did their jobs well. They had the guy dead-to-rights, no matter how well he cleaned up and polished his halo.

Not that Benson would admit it, but it certainly hadn't hurt that the detective made an excellent witness, projecting a perfect mix of focused passion and quiet authority that made the jury believe her. More importantly, perhaps, they trusted her.

"It didn't matter what happened after your testimony, Olivia," Collette praised. "He thought he had you on cross, and then you managed to make his client look even worse somehow."

"You can thank your boss for that," Olivia quipped. "I was a terrible witness before Alex came to SVU. She showed us how it's done."

"Well, I'll have to let her know that her wife came through for me yet again," Collette said. "This guy was evil, Olivia. He wasn't doing this because he was mistreated or misguided or misunderstood. He was doing it because he could."

"And because it was a very efficient way to ruin people's lives and damage their souls." Olivia had no doubt that evil existed in this world. There were a lot of people who would do the wrong thing if they could, if they thought they wouldn't get caught, but there was a certain percentage of people who would never, ever do the right thing if they could avoid it. It was a small percentage, thankfully, but what they lacked in numbers they made up for in malevolence. They would hurt anyone they could as often as possible. Like the human equivalent of a "cop killer" bullet, they weren't content to tear into you-they had to rip you apart in the process.

"It's a Friday afternoon and one more bad guy is off the streets, Benson," the attorney said. "Take that with you into the weekend. We do what we can."

"You're absolutely right," Olivia agreed. "You did a great job, Collette. Thanks for letting me know we got a win."

They signed off the call and Olivia looked at the time in the corner of her computer screen. Just a shade after four o'clock,

and she'd put in a full day already. She thought about cutting out a little early, but knew that Alex wouldn't be able to do the same, so there was really no rush. No more real work was going to get done, though, and she was smart enough to realize that. She'd spend a few minutes cleaning off her desk and sorting the amazing amount of crap that accumulated there throughout the week. As she pushed reports and stacked files, pausing occasionally to wave at colleagues who passed her office door to wish her a good weekend, Olivia had time to ponder the surprise she'd felt earlier when talking to Collette. What struck her was how happy she was, not just at work but in general. She had moved to computer crimes primarily for Alex, though she wouldn't have admitted that. She hadn't expected to like it, but in fact she loved it. She sometimes missed the physicality of her old job-the occasional chase or takedown, the practiced body language involved in questioning, or intimidating, a suspect-but she bore the scars, both literal and figurative, from times when that physicality had turned on her.

Alex bore them, too. She'd spent too many years worrying about Olivia's safety, and she deserved some assurance that the woman who kissed her goodbye in the morning would be home sometime that night, safe, sound and in one piece. Olivia's surprise at how much she enjoyed her job was exceeded only by her surprise at how good it felt to give Alex what she needed and what she wanted, and what she deserved. They'd taken the long way around to be together, and they'd both made mistakes that threatened to tear them apart. But they had stuck it out, and Alex's happiness was now such an intrinsic part of Olivia's own that the two concepts were inseparable.

"Something's wrong here." Olivia was startled out of her reverie by the voice of her squad's newest member, Dominique Jordan.

"What is it, Dom?" Olivia didn't need anything to be wrong at the end of the day on a Friday.

"You're the only person I've ever seen who was smiling while she was pushing paper around a desk," Jordan laughed. "Thinking about the weekend, Sarge?"

"Something like that," Olivia smiled. "You heading out, Dom?"

"If that's cool with you," the young woman replied. "I've got a big weekend planned."

"Something fun, I hope."

"Oh, hell no," Jordan laughed. "I'm moving to a new apartment this weekend. But the sooner I start, the sooner I'm sitting on my my old couch in a new living room drinking a cold beer."

"Then get going," Olivia ordered. "I'm wrapping things up here myself."

The young woman gave a mock salute and executed a perfect right-face in the direction of her own desk. She was a rookie, fresh out of the Academy as part of an NYPD recruiting initiative to fast-track former military intelligence personnel into cybercrimes work. The program was controversial because the graduates went straight to a desk without ever walking a beat-Fin had voiced his disagreement over drinks with Olivia as soon as the whole things started.

 _Look Fin_ , she'd told him _, I hear what you're saying, but the alternative is that we just hire civilians or outside contractors. We don't have enough experienced cops on the force who are interested in doing this work, and we don't have enough time to either train the few who are, or to make these people work a beat for a year just to prove a point. We are understaffed and the crimes we work are growing a hell of a lot faster than my squad is._

 _You're gettin' soft, Benson,_ he chided her. _You been off the streets, what, a year?_

 _Not even_ , she laughed.

 _Think about yourself when you were a rookie in uniform,_ he argued. _You were wet behind the ears and didn't know your ass from a hole in the ground._

 _Speak for yourself,_ she said. _Maybe women have an advantage._

 _What's that?_

 _We don't confuse our guns with our dicks,_ she teased. _We can spend all our time at the Academy figuring out the question of what is our ass and what is a hole in the ground._

 _Touche',_ Fin laughed. _But these people have badges and no idea what an actual cop does. What if they have to suit up and hit the street?_

 _They won't,_ Olivia said. _That's the whole point. This cyber-shit isn't going away. It's only getting worse. These people have job security, Odafin._

 _Them and me both,_ he said.

 _Exactly,_ Liv affirmed. _People won't stop committing sex crimes and they won't stop committing computer crimes. I'm in the Venn diagram sweet spot, investigating child porn and sex trafficking._

 _The intersection of geeks and perverts,_ Fin observed.

 _You've got it_.

' _Cyber-shit?'_ Fin asked. _Is that a technical term, Sergeant Fancy Pants?_

 _No,_ Olivia clarified. _It's just what we call it when we speak to the ignorant masses._

Her smile was huge as she ducked to the side to miss the onion ring Fin threw in her direction.

She understood where Fin was coming from, for sure. But Olivia's squad now had three new members as a result of the new Commissioner's mandate to think outside the box, and all of them were excellent at their and the other seven officers on her team were all seasoned cops and detectives, and it was a good balance. She'd been leading the group for nearly ten months and they had caught six really bad guys, and ten times that many run-of-the mill scumbags.

 _Really bad guys_ , she thought to herself, laughing a little at her own childlike distinction. That was how she thought of them, the ones whose evil reach went both far and wide; the other guys were bad, too, without a doubt, but more in a small-potatoes way. She could hear Alex's voice in her head-they had been talking about the case Zimmer was trying this week a few nights before when Alex had suddenly grown quiet. _You have that light in your eyes when you talk about this,_ she'd remarked. _That fire in you is something I love and admire, Liv._ Olivia had only been able to smile shyly; it was true, and she knew it. _And_ , Alex had continued, _you've done all this great work without getting shot at once._

Olivia realized that she had been pushing paper around for over an hour-the clock said 5:15 and she decided to head home. Alex probably wouldn't be there yet, but she could pour some wine and start a nice dinner that, with any luck, would be the start to an even nicer weekend.


	2. Chapter 2

**-2-**

 **Friday, February 19, 2016**

 **6 p.m.**

Olivia was lying on the couch reading. The sun had set a half-hour earlier and she looked over the edge of her book, past the circle of light cast by the lamp behind her and out the windows. Lights had begun twinkling on in the apartments across the street as people got home from work, and she smiled. She'd spent a lifetime in this city and still experienced these moments of pure, perfect and unexpected happiness when something as simple as a warm apartment on a cold night touched her soul. It sounded silly, or it would have if she had said it out loud, but it was real. They were expecting a snowstorm over the weekend, and she was actually looking forward to it. Alex would bring some work home-she always did-but they had food and wine and whiskey and Netflix and they could stay in their pajamas and watch the snow. It had been a good day, and she hoped that carried over into the weekend.

A few minutes later, she had become absorbed again in the Tana French novel she was reading and didn't even hear Alex's key in the lock-the sound of the chime on the alarmed door was hard to miss, though, followed shortly thereafter by Alex's voice. "Honey, I'm home."

Olivia tossed aside the warm blanket and laid her book on the coffee table before going toward the door to meet her wife.

"Hey, baby," she said. "Didn't know if you'd be able to leave work at a reasonable hour." She greeted Alex with a kiss and found her arms suddenly full of brown bags that weighed about 20 pounds and smelled like heaven. "Is this what I think it is?"

"It's Caffe Reggio, my dear. Penne alla genovese and pugliese."

"And to what do I owe this wonderful surprise? It's not an anniversary, is it?"

Alex laughed as she hung her coat in the hall closet. "I'm sure it's an anniversary of _something_ ," she said. "But I couldn't say what. I just thought to myself how lucky I am to have you waiting here for me at home, and how cold it's getting, and how important this pasta was in bringing us together. It seemed like a perfect night to surprise you with a stay-at-home date night."

"Such a romantic you are, honey." Olivia put the bags of food on the table and wrapped her arms around Alex's waist, pulling her close. "Your face is so cold."

"Temperature's dropping out there, baby. Probably 10 degrees in the last hour. As soon as the sun went down, it got a little Arctic."

"Well, then, there's nothing to do but cuddle you up and keep you warm, is there?"

"I like the sound of that," Alex whispered, warming herself against Olivia's warm neck. "But before the snuggling, I need something else."

Her voice was seductive, her breath warm against Olivia's ear, and the detective murmured a response of sorts. "Hmmm? What might that be?" She could think of several things Alex probably needed, and she was happy to provide them all, eagerly and often.

"I'm hungry," Alex whispered. "Feed me."

Olivia laughed, squeezing the warming body in her arms even tighter before releasing her hold to pick up the food and do as she was told. "I don't know how you keep that amazing body of yours, Alex Cabot. I really don't."

Alex passed her and headed into the kitchen. "Oh, I'll work it off later," she teased. "I haven't told you yet what I need after dinner."

Olivia just shook her head, never quite sure how someone could have this effect on her, and keep having it, for years. Forever. She smiled as she followed the slightly swaying hips into the kitchen.

They got out some plates, poured some red wine and carried the entire feast to the sofa, sitting cross-legged facing one another with plates on their laps and warm, crunchy Italian bread on a foil platter between them.

Dinner was a leisurely affair. Alex had taken a moment to change into some yoga pants and a Rangers t-shirt, which proved fortuitous when Olivia made her laugh with a mouthful of Sagrantino. The dark red liquid ended up on her shirt.

"Glad you changed, huh?" Olivia joked. "You would've ruined that blouse you had on."

Alex leaned over and kissed her. "It's your fault," she said. "You made me laugh. I'll proudly wear the proof of my immense happiness on my t-shirt, but you're probably right-it wouldn't look good around the office on a white silk blouse."

Olivia smiled. She never tired of hearing how happy Alex was, or of making her happy in any way she could think of.

Alex looked serious, all of a sudden.

"What?" Olivia asked. "Is something wrong?"

"You didn't change clothes when you got home."

"Sorry, Mom," Olivia joked. "It won't happen again."

"No, it's not that, Liv. When you were in SVU, you'd change every day when you got home, and usually take a shower, even before we could have dinner-unless you were just too tired to move and fell asleep in your clothes. Some nights now, you just come home and relax. Read, watch TV, pour a drink. I like it."

"I like it too, babe. I hadn't thought about it, but you're right. I don't feel as...I don't know, polluted, when I get home. Not every day, anyway."

"You like your job?"

"I hate that my job exists," Olivia clarified. "But yeah, I'm happy I made the switch. I'm still working cases that turn my stomach, but there are more good days. I don't have as many adrenaline spikes as before."

"Chasing bad guys in alleys will do that," Alex offered.

"Sure, that was part of it. But it wasn't just the physical effort. It was the fear, and the anger, and I could just smell it on myself, like this chemical smell that lingered on me. I don't have to wash the days off quite as often as I used to."

"Are you happy?" Alex asked the question with no assumption or expectation, utterly without guile or defense. They did this, now, every so often-asked one another, almost a check-in of sorts. It felt important to them both,

Their plates were empty by this point, so Olivia took the dishes and set them one atop the other on the coffee table, then placed the bread remnants there too, before taking both of Alex's hands.

"I am happy. Very, very happy," she answered at last. "I'm catching some pretty terrible people and, according to Colette, we're putting them behind bars at a better than average rate. And I am safe, so that I can come home to you every night."

" _Better than average_ ," Alex laughed. "Those are your words, Benson. What Colette said was _astonishing_."

"Semantics," Olivia shrugged. "Are you happy, Alex?"

"Happier than I've ever been." Alex smiled, but it sounded to Olivia like she'd broken off her sentence.

"But?"

"No buts. No ands," Alex said, and this time her tone was definitive, no equivocating or hesitation. "I'm completely happy. The only thing that will make me happier is one more day with you, and then another one after that. That's all I need."

"I don't think you're telling the truth, Alex," Olivia chided, but she was grinning. "You told me there was something else you needed, something you'd share after dinner. And I'm done eating."

"Oh, that." The smile on her face was wicked, and her blue eyes were a bit darker than usual. She crawled toward Olivia, pushing her backward onto the couch and lying above her, dipping her face until their lips were nearly touching. But no kiss-not yet. "There is something, for sure."

"Yeah?" Olivia asked. It wasn't an occasion for witty banter-she had been overwhelmed immediately and completely with desire, hot and insistent.

"Yes," Alex said, then kissed the full lips before sliding her own mouth down Olivia's cheek toward her ear. "I want you to fuck me." The voice was low, somewhere between whisper and conversation, full of longing.

Olivia didn't need to be asked twice, didn't even need to answer, really. The answer was yes. Always yes.

She slid her hands down Alex's ribs and yanked the t-shirt up and over her head, balling it up and throwing it to the floor in one fluid motion. She was rewarded with soft skin on which goosebumps raised, no bra to impede her view or her access. Her hands immediately moved to cover Alex's breasts, palming her nipples that had stiffened in the ambient air, and she could never resist a firmer touch. Kneading the firm breasts, rolling the hard tips between her fingers, she resumed kissing Alex, swallowing the blonde's moans as long, elegant fingers wound in her hair, twisting and entwining the auburn waves. Alex had a hundred ways of expressing her needs, and the contrasting sensations caused when she tousled and tugged never failed to amp up Olivia's own desire.

Olivia rolled over, flipping them both so that Alex was beneath her, grateful as ever for the wide, deep couch they'd picked out. It was good for naps, great for cuddling, and best of all for the acrobatic maneuvers sometimes involved in two bodies seeking and giving pleasure. Her mouth was immediately on Alex's right nipple, the warm wet heat enveloping the aching skin there and sending bolts of electricity directly to her core; she arched her back, pushing herself into Olivia, seeking more contact and more pressure even as Olivia's right hand resumed its rough exploration to Alex's other breast. Her left arm snaked under Alex, taking advantage of the tunnel created by Alex's movements and serving to increase contact even further.

Alex was being patient-she wanted to be fucked, though, and she still had her pants on. This wouldn't do, and Olivia wasn't feeling like keeping her waiting. She moved down the body below her, her mouth skimming along and her hands gathering up the waistband of the yoga pants, yanking them down, tongue not far behind. "Jesus," Olivia whispered softly, the smell of Alex making her even wetter than she already was.

"I need you inside me, Liv." Alex had been quiet, content for a while to express herself through moans and sighs, but no longer. Olivia moved quickly, discarding the pants and spreading Alex's legs, licking firmly from her entrance to her clit in one broad stroke as Alex's hand once again took up residence in Olivia's hair.

"Just a minute, baby," Olivia said. "I need to taste you."

Alex would never refuse that request, no matter what else she wanted, and she allowed Olivia to dictate the pace for several long, heavenly minutes. Looking down her body and seeing her wife's head between her legs was always a huge thrill, one that was only intensified when Olivia would look up and lock eyes with her while she worked her magic, that probing tongue alternately focusing on her swollen clit and lavishing long, slow licks through her folds. She didn't speak, thoroughly enjoying the sensations, but eventually she could take no more. She could come like this, easily, but that's not what she really needed right now, so at last she took control, grabbing a fistful of hair and lifting Olivia's gaze to meet her own. "Now." It was all she had to say.

Olivia sat up and took Alex's hand, guiding her wife up and onto her knees, straddling Olivia's legs, and as their lips met in a hungry kiss, she deftly slipped three fingers into Alex, who pushed downward to take her in, deeper, needing more than anything to be full. She rode the detective's sure, strong hand, moving up and down as Olivia used her mouth to tease and satisfy Alex's breasts between frenzied kisses and whispers.

"That's right, baby," she urged. "Take what you need. Anything you want."

"God, Liv, you feel so good." Her hands were on Olivia's shoulders, a firm grip that she used to leverage herself up and down as the fingers inside her pumped and curled, hitting all the right spots and building her up to the edge of a much-needed release. Olivia watched her closely, noticed her fluttering eyes finally close as she came close to the abyss. Only then did Liv press the heel of her hand firmly on Alex's clit, knowing the extra pressure and friction would be enough to do the trick. She wanted to kiss Alex, consume her mouth as thoroughly as she was laying claim to her body, but more than that she wanted to hear the effect she was having on this beautiful woman, hear the words and noises that tumbled out of her as she let go and ceded control to the sensations, to the moment...to Olivia.

"Come on, baby," Olivia urged quietly. "Come for me. Let go and come for me."

"So good," Alex begged. "Don't stop. Please don't stop."

"I won't stop, baby, it's all yours. Let me have this. You're mine, and I've got you."

"Liv, God, so close so close so close." She was whispering, a mantra of sorts, and Olivia knew that she was holding back, dying to come but relishing the tension coiled inside her gut as she straddled the border of control and liberation as surely as she was straddling her wife's denim-clad thighs.

"Give it up, baby. It's gonna feel so damn good. I need to feel you."

That was all it took-Olivia's need, clearly as great as her own, was an aphrodisiac more powerful than anything else she'd experienced. She opened her eyes and tipped Olivia's face up, breaking the delicious contact the warm mouth had on her nipple-lips together, Alex felt herself fall over the edge, shuddering as she whispered into Olivia's mouth. "Oh, god, oh god. Baby, my god. Yes." As she rode out the waves rolling through her body, she finally locked onto Olivia's full lips and searching tongue, kissing her deeply as Olivia pulled their chests closer together. They stayed that way for a few moments, kisses slowing as Alex's body came down from its high. When the smooth muscles stopped contracting, Olivia slowly withdrew her hand and wrapped both arms around the naked body on her lap.

"What's that smile?" Alex finally asked, her voice the languid drawl of a satisfied woman.

"Smile?" Olivia asked innocently, trying but failing to offer a suitably neutral expression.

"Yeah. You look like the cat who ate the canary."

"Can't a girl look happy when her wife has a thundering orgasm?"

"Oh, I suppose," Alex allowed. "But it's more than that."

"Maybe I just love being able to reduce my Harvard-educated, articulate wife to rambling incoherence."

"Oh yeah?" Alex asked with a laugh. "That so?" 

"It is, actually. Makes me feel a little powerful, if you must know."

"Well, lucky us then," Alex said. "Because I love powerful you, and I love the effect you have on me. I don't need words when I feel that good."

"You're so perfect, Alex Cabot. Hot, and perfect."

"I love you, Liv. And…"

"And?"

"And this was a wonderful date night," she said. "But it's not over yet."

"There's more?" Olivia looked like a kid who found out there was cake _and_ ice cream.

"Oh, lots more," Alex said. She unfolded her long legs and stood up in front of the couch, reaching a hand out to help her wife up as well.

"Bring that sexy ass upstairs, and I'll show you."

"That's the best offer I've had all day," Olivia said, following the blonde to the stairs.

Alex turned and looked over her shoulder. "It better be the best offer you've had in several days," she teased.

She was rewarded with a smack on the ass. It wasn't the last time Olivia's hand made firm contact with Alex's ass that night.


End file.
